The 6P Key Framework for Regulated Kids & Parents

drjothepsychologis
Nov 4
8 min read

Updated: Nov 17

Welcome! Hands up who feels overwhelmed by parenting?

Only joking: we all do. I feel it myself, it's an issue I see again and again in my 1:1 therapy practice, and I know it plagues parents who don't have the opportunity to access therapy, too.

Does this resonate?

⚡️Your kids won't listen, refuse to comply with boundaries, or have meltdowns when told no.

⚡️You find yourself emotionally triggered, then feel guilty when you lose your temper or make rash decisions.

⚡️You constantly second-guess how you handle things and feel confused by the conflicting and confusing parenting information you read. Typical parenting advice just doesn't seem to "work".

⚡️You feel an enormous pressure to get things "right" as a parent and sense other parents are doing a better job.

⚡️You worry about the long-term impact on their child when you "mess up", and you blame yourself for not doing a “better” job.

⚡️You’re worried you’re turning into your own mum or dad, despite actively trying to break parenting cycles and intergenerational patterns.

⚡️You’re lacking in support, and your own needs and identity are lost and neglected.

If you recognise yourself, you're not alone. For lots of parents, another layer is added when we wonder if our child might be neurodivergent.

We can end up in mental spirals about whether we might be imagining things, exaggerating, or even causing their reactions - or if there really is something different to other families.

The Parent Overwhelm Vicious Cycle

All of this ends up blending together to create a vicious cycle.

The harder you try to be a “good” parent, and follow "the rules", the more stressed you feel. The more stressed you feel, the more likely you are to react to your kids. The more you react to your kids, the more stressed you feel... and so on. Not to mention that the more overwhelmed we are, the more likely it is that our kids will be dysregulated, too.

Does this cycle ring a bell?

Let's break these cycles

I am absolutely determined to help as many parents as possible avoid this vicious cycle, especially if you are on a journey of wondering about neurodivergence for you or your child.

Because I work with these challenges so frequently, over time I realised I was using the same approaches time and again to help parents overcome these issues and break free of this cycle of parent stress and reactivity.

So, I developed a step-by step map of the most powerful, psychological and parenting techniques. No confusion, no rhetoric, just evidence-based strategies, grouped into memorable categories.

Each part of the framework focuses on a different way to help regulate YOUR nervous system, as well as keep your child's brain calmer and on your side. This means you can:

Feel more confident in your parenting
Feel more connected with your child
Feel more like yourself again

Sound good? So, drum roll please...

The 6 P Key Parent Framework

The 6 "P Keys" help you unlock a way of parenting that is more effortless, and less overwhelming. It's one that works for you AND your child:

🔑 For your child: each key shows you ways to keep your child’s brain calmer, so they are more likely to listen and respond to the boundaries you are setting. You'll feel more confident, and calmer, too because you'll know not just how, but why each idea is helpful.

🔑 For you: each Key shows you techniques to regulate your own nervous system, so you can feel more like yourself and parent in the way you actually want to.

We work flexibly with tools, not rules. Everything is geared towards celebrating imperfection & relieving pressure.

And what’s more - all the techniques are suitable for neurodivergent, sensitive, and neurotypical kids (and parents!). This is because what helps most autistic and ADHD kids also benefits other children. So, you don’t need to know or decide about your child’s neurotype right now… you can just focus on their needs.

How do the 6P Keys work?

Let's go through how each P Key can help you - and help you parent your child.

Perspective

First up, the Perspective Key!

This Key is about properly understanding what’s happening for you - and for your child - at emotional moments. We all need this foundation before we can do anything differently - it’s the start of emotional regulation for parents and for children.

For your child:

Understand your child's brain, their Perspective and why they react the way they do.
Identify triggers and patterns to help guide your parenting prevention & responses using my CAUSES approach.
Use specific tools to help them feel validated whilst you’re setting boundaries.
Teach emotional literacy skills for their long-term development & mental health.

See more about this Key here & here.

For you:

Use my special framework to recognise patterns in your emotional reactions.
Learn about how Second Layer Thoughts might be driving your automatic responses.
Use my unique BALM regulation tool to slow these reactions down… so you can think more clearly... and have a better chance of parenting in the way you want to.

Once you can do this for yourself, you can help your child do it, too!

Imperfection

Next up is the ImPerfection Key.

My personal favourite - see how it's imperfect because it doesn't even begin with P?!

This Key is crucial in tackling parent overwhelm, guilt and reactivity. There are so many reasons that we are set up to strive for perfection in parenting... learning what these are can help us take a step back from this pressure.

For your child:

Busting myths about "attachment"and learning about child brain development to help us form realistic expectations.
Understanding what we can influence in our child's development - and what we cannot.
Understanding that our relationship with our kids is actually made stronger by "ruptures and repairs" - and what "good enough" parenting really is.

See more about this Key here & here.

For you:

Taking a deep-dive into why self-compassion is so hard - even though we want to teach it to our kids.
Learning step-by-step how we CAN improve our self-compassion skills.
Realising there are no wrong turns, there’s no perfect way to handle any situation, there’s no perfect way to be a parent.

Predictability

The Predictability Key

This Key is all about harnessing predictability and certainty in building emotional regulation for our child, and for ourselves. It's brilliant because it's just so effective!

For your child:

Understand the 3 different boundary types, when to use predictable boundaries - and when to be flexible.
Learn key language strategies and visual techniques that dramatically increase predictability and certainty, like the tell-me chart.
Explore how to use these to keep their brain calmer and more able to listen, learn, and follow instructions.

See more about this Key here & here.

For you:

Learn how to predict our triggers for guilt, anger or overwhelm
Planning ahead to reduce these triggers - prevention is better than cure.
Becoming more aware of Identity Versus Attachment patterns from our past that can influence our reactions, to help break unhelpful intergenerational cycles.

Playfulness

The Playfulness Key

Play, fun and humour is a naural way for children to learn, feel connected to others and to stay regulated. It works the same way for our parent brains! Yet, we tend to prioritise play-time for our children but neglect it for ourselves.

For your child:

The child Playfulness Key is not about being a "fun parent" - urgh too much pressure!
Learn specific playful strategies to help your child's brains stay "online" at tricky moments such as silliness, missions, golden playtime, physical, sensory and flow play.
Understand how to use playfulness in-the-moment, and as a preventative strategy.

See more about this Key here & here.

For you:

"Play" is about meeting our own needs in a spectrum of ways, not just traditional relaxing "self-care".
Map the most effective dimensions of Play for you, using my ESCAPES tool.
Identify "tweakments" that can make Play realistic and achievable
Trust that allowing yourself time to play is actually good for your child, as well as for you

Power

The Power Key

Power and control equals regulation. Harnessing this in multiple ways helps our child manage transitions and boundary situations - and it helps us too. As parents, we can sometimes feel we've lost our own "power"when our sense of self shifts... and we need to find ways to reclaim it to keep our own brains regulated.

For your child:

Understanding how a lack of autonomy and control contribute to dysregulated behaviour and emotions.
Learn a toolbox of effective strategies to give children power, such as problem solving, independence skills, saying "yes", choices, and blurring the lines.

See more about this Key here & here.

For you:

Harness your own sense of power by starting to feel more like yourself again.
Use my special “IKIGAI” map to tune into your values as a parent, and as a person.
Identify how to play to your strengths - as well as how to get on the same page as your partner or co-parent.

Physical Support

The Physical Support Key

This is the Key that most parents are least confident about: knowing how and when to physically help our child. The Physical Support Key is about helping them succeed at meeting our boundaries so their brain stays online and they can actually learn what it is we are trying to teach.

For us, support is not so simple. Many of us simply don't have the "village" to raise a child that we hear about. The Physical Support Key is about reducing the sensitivity of our threat system by ensuring our needs are met by others as much as possible.

For your child:

Understanding what are realistic expectations of our child, how much we can help them, and when it's ok to do this.
Learn why repeating ourselves over and over again is our own worst enemy...
Strategies to physically help our child to stay calmer.
How a Snowglobe can help us manage tantrums and meltdowns.

See more about this Key here.

For you:

Learn the 4 Steps of effective, healthy communication to ask for help - many of us never learnt how to do this growing up.
Identigy how to accept help and release control - without feeling guilty or like a failure.
Map out healthy and supportive influences in our network - and how to let go of others.

So what do you think?

My 6P Keys evidence-based framework takes you step-by-step towards more confident, relaxed parenting. It might seem a lot of information - but it's all bitesized and step-by-step. And once you dive in, you see how everything is drawn together with the same common thread: keeping our nervous systems regulated.

Each Key can be tailored to you, your child, and your family - depending on ages, neurotypes, and personalities. No rigidity or pressure here - the Keys simply help you get back on track as parent, and as a family.

Want to know more?

Hear more about the Keys and techniques in my free podcast, The Guilty Parent Club Series. Find it on your usual podcast player, or follow the link here.
You’ll also find a handy workbook on Parent Emotional Regulation to download free.

Ready to dive right in?

If you're ready to hear all the techniques in detail via my bite-sized podcasts, delve into the accompanying workbooks, and connect with other parents who really understand in our WhatsApp community, why not join us in The Guilty Parent Club?

Aimed at parents of children aged 2-9 who are wondering if their child is highly sensitive, or may be neurodivergent.
The audio programme provides actionable, step-by-step changes and is easy to weave into your everyday life as a parent.
Testimonials from our parent alumni are glowing - see for yourself!